Did you ever think that doing laundry could take your breath away? That was just one of several amazing discoveries I have made in the past week. It kind of went like this. Dirty laundry is created in approximately 90% of the rooms in my house, as well as 100% of the area outside of my house. I continually am walking around our vast domain with an eye for any particular item that I can deposit in my backroom, which houses my washer and dryer. Then periodically throughout the day I sort and consider which loads hold the most promise, and by this I mean, which loads will leave me with the greatest sense of accomplishment when completed, those that have the most immediate gratification. I bet you are wondering how anyone could have such a neurotic approach to laundry, but hey, you have to keep things somewhat interesting around the house, right? I then proceed to carefully examine each item as I place them in the washing machine with a heavy dose of Purex laundry detergent. In a fairly quick 20 minutes or so I again painstakingly peruse each and every piece of clothing so as to not inadvertently dry a nasty little stain permanently in place. This is probably where the most exciting part begins. With a quick toss of the wrist, I fling a fresh smelling dryer sheet in with the damp clothes and give the knob an abrupt push. There are few household sounds that I enjoy more than a quiet, steady sound of the dryer hummm. It is like a soothing rain or the steady splash of water as it hits the shore (as you can see I have a thing for water too, maybe we will touch on that in a later post :)). Now the waiting game begins. You see, sometimes my dryer likes to play games with me. It can't decide if it actually wants to dry clothes in an expiated manner or not. So after one or two false alarms, we finally have some nicely dry and warm clothes. This is the part that can go one of two ways. I excitingly grab one piece at a time and carefully fold and sort to promptly place in the proper place in the proper room, or I conveniently forget that the dryer was even running and find myself hours later with a dryer full of clothes that now require some attention due to the fact that they are all wrinkly. :)
You may wonder what this has to do with my opening line, and the truth is not much, but I thought that it would be fun to examine one of the many mundane tasks that occur around here. Well today when I was in the midst of the before mentioned routine, I was totally stopped in my tracks as I realized that I was actually washing the very last piece of Shane's clothing that I would wash for over a year. I just kind of stood there holding one of what is a dwindling supply of things that still have his personal 'shane-print' on them. You know what I mean. His smell and just the feel of him on them. Honestly I didn't cry or anything, but it was almost all I could take to throw it in the washer. There is another side to all of this as well. I not only absolutely go crazy at the faintest smell of him, but I also just love to serve his every need. It may sound weird, but I really count it a privilege to wash his clothes every day. I love the idea that I can play some small part in making his life a little bit easier. To be able to do that one thing that makes his ability to get up and get going just that much more enjoyable, that is just the ultimate for me. I hate that I am being robbed of the ability to be that kind of support to him during this time. There are so many times in the day, I just wish that I could somehow reach into his life and grab hold of even the most insignificant task and take care of it for him. Just a little Sara's touch on his life each and every day. I know that much of what I do, if not almost everything this year is actually going to be a huge support to him, but it just doesn't compare to being able to do it directly to and for him. I hope that many of you who read this are fortunate enough to care for and serve the love of their life like I get to each and every day.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Isolation Inside & Out - How Strange!
I am sitting here in my room feeling a little cut-off from the rest of the world. Although, what started as an internal sensation has begun to materialize externally here in La Porte City. An interesting parallel has been developing. Over the past several weeks we have received much rain over and over again. The ground is satiated, the rivers are pregnant and people are scrambling to protect the extensions of themselves with great vigor. More rain is fore casted yet today. It may even be severe. The news has just informed us that at this point there is not anyway in or out of our little town. How bizarre!! This is my first June in this house so I would be lying if I told you that I haven't been a little concerned about how our home might handle this kind of stress, but so far so good. My heart just aches for those that have not been as fortunate. It really is astonishing to think of all the ramifications a few inches of rain can effect in the lives of so many. I don't know how long I will be restricted to my home, but I can't imagine it will surpass the isolation that I feel in my heart.
I don't want to sound too over dramatic here. I mean, I have such super great support from those that love and care for me. They are all around and never more than a stone's throw away from being there for me. It is really not about that. It is more a sense of knowing. The greatest support from my family and friends is great because they don't even try and know what I think or feel. They don't try and tell me how to feel. They don't throw cliches at me every time I turn around. They do listen. They do express comfort. They do let me be what I need to be. They do help me to stop and really feel. They are so amazing. And yet, in the soft quiet places of my heart I just can't help but feel like this is a journey that is meant only for me. That my feelings, questions and struggles will in the end, be answered by only me. As I seek out the wisdom that only God's word provides and the experiences that He has meant for me to walk through, I know that He will be enough and He has intended for me to glorify Him through all that I discover.
I do find solace in the quiet lonely parts of my day. It has been my habit so far to make my way outside to a nice still place where I can sit and gaze at the sky and be overwhelmed by the expanse that awaits me there. It is that expanse that embraces Shane where he is and all of us everywhere. That kind of hug from the sky is so soothing. I mentioned to Shane last evening, that I was experiencing that yesterday after I mowed our lawn and he just smiled and nodded. He too has taken to the same sort of habit in his day as well. We are such kindred spirits. Sometimes it even surprises me. Being lonely just brings me to a greater awareness of my complete and utter dependence on the Lord, and that is GOOD.
I am feeling that need to look at the sky, so Sam, Cora and I are going to head out and see if we can get a glimpse of what is developing in our little town. I will be in touch with all those of you who are keeping up with me.
I don't want to sound too over dramatic here. I mean, I have such super great support from those that love and care for me. They are all around and never more than a stone's throw away from being there for me. It is really not about that. It is more a sense of knowing. The greatest support from my family and friends is great because they don't even try and know what I think or feel. They don't try and tell me how to feel. They don't throw cliches at me every time I turn around. They do listen. They do express comfort. They do let me be what I need to be. They do help me to stop and really feel. They are so amazing. And yet, in the soft quiet places of my heart I just can't help but feel like this is a journey that is meant only for me. That my feelings, questions and struggles will in the end, be answered by only me. As I seek out the wisdom that only God's word provides and the experiences that He has meant for me to walk through, I know that He will be enough and He has intended for me to glorify Him through all that I discover.
I do find solace in the quiet lonely parts of my day. It has been my habit so far to make my way outside to a nice still place where I can sit and gaze at the sky and be overwhelmed by the expanse that awaits me there. It is that expanse that embraces Shane where he is and all of us everywhere. That kind of hug from the sky is so soothing. I mentioned to Shane last evening, that I was experiencing that yesterday after I mowed our lawn and he just smiled and nodded. He too has taken to the same sort of habit in his day as well. We are such kindred spirits. Sometimes it even surprises me. Being lonely just brings me to a greater awareness of my complete and utter dependence on the Lord, and that is GOOD.
I am feeling that need to look at the sky, so Sam, Cora and I are going to head out and see if we can get a glimpse of what is developing in our little town. I will be in touch with all those of you who are keeping up with me.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Just an observation :)
This must be what it feels like to be in the grip of God's grace. I mean I kind of expected to be doing well at this point, but I had no idea of the kind of peace that has just completely engulfed my life. If I didn't know any better I would think that every single person I had ever met and then some have been interceding for me night and day. Although I am sure that many have been, I truly believe that God's mercy in my life is just that amazing.
The truth is, Shane and I have spent countless nights, weeks and months apart throughout the past fourteen years that we have been married. There were military schools, 2nd and 3rd shift jobs, and actual 2nd and 3rd part-time jobs. We have always done whatever it would take to provide for our necessities and for the opportunity for me to be able to stay home and raise our children. It will take a good eight or nine weeks before I really start to experience life outside the ordinary for us. I am guessing that that might sound really sad to some who would hear that, but I really feel that I couldn't be any more blessed than I am. The life that we have forged together has been nothing but pure joy. Would I wish that I could spend every single night of my life with him? Yes!! But not if I had to sacrifice any of the passion and dedication that we have for each other and our family. We are truly living out the life that God has ordained for us, and I couldn't be happier.
I guess I am not entirely sure how I got to writing about this, but I guess that is part of the fun that goes along with just putting yourself out there. I know how it is when I just open my mouth and sometimes things just come rolling out. Apparently, my fingers have the same problem when I let them loose on the keys.
The truth is, Shane and I have spent countless nights, weeks and months apart throughout the past fourteen years that we have been married. There were military schools, 2nd and 3rd shift jobs, and actual 2nd and 3rd part-time jobs. We have always done whatever it would take to provide for our necessities and for the opportunity for me to be able to stay home and raise our children. It will take a good eight or nine weeks before I really start to experience life outside the ordinary for us. I am guessing that that might sound really sad to some who would hear that, but I really feel that I couldn't be any more blessed than I am. The life that we have forged together has been nothing but pure joy. Would I wish that I could spend every single night of my life with him? Yes!! But not if I had to sacrifice any of the passion and dedication that we have for each other and our family. We are truly living out the life that God has ordained for us, and I couldn't be happier.
I guess I am not entirely sure how I got to writing about this, but I guess that is part of the fun that goes along with just putting yourself out there. I know how it is when I just open my mouth and sometimes things just come rolling out. Apparently, my fingers have the same problem when I let them loose on the keys.
Friday, June 6, 2008
The tornado that never was
This is turning out to be the night that just won't end. I had finally decided to succomb to the dreams that awaited me after endulging in a "Top Chef" rerun after midnight, when I was brought back to consciousness by the La Porte City tornado siren around 1:30 this morning. It is just one of those moments when you could really use a pinch to determine if you are actually experiencing life or not.
At our house, Shane & I share a room upstairs and just adjacent to us is Lizzie's room in our split foyer home. I instinctively decided to grab Lizzie and carry her down to the basement where the other three sleep. She came to as we raced downstairs and of course thought it a little odd that I would be carrying her around anywhere - she is almost 9 years old. Once we got down there we discovered that Gabe was still coherent and watching television in our family room. Now that might seem a little odd, but I had allowed both my older two to have a kind of improtu camp out downstairs where they could celebrate the end of the school year and surviving dad's send-off. Lizzie had given in to the call of the night and had retired up to her room. Gabe, of course will do just about anything to make the night last. Anyway, he had heard the siren, but for some reason was out enough to just kind of tune it out while catching one of his favorite shows. As I set Lizzie on the couch, he just kind of looked at me like "what are you doing?". I quickly grabbed the remote and flipped it over to channel seven and Jeff Kennedy's accurate forecasting to see what the story was. It appeared that the storm was approximately five to ten miles outside of La Porte City, which made sense because I hadn't even seen a flash of lightening or heard thunder or even a drop of rain.
It was a little eerie to be sitting in a kind of silence broken only by the shrill siren. I had no idea what was coming, but I decided that I needed to get the kids in our closet under the stairs. Gabe and Lizzie quickly made their way with their blankets, while I tried to keep an ear to the news. It was a little difficult to make myself go into Sam & Cora's room, where they lay sleeping ever so deeply. I grabbed Cora first and laid her in the middle of a comforter that I had laid out on the floor of the closet. Gabe & Lizzie squeezed in the back amongst rubbermaids and other odds and ends. I had the door slightly ajar and kept watching and listening to what Jeff was predicting. It looked like another 20 minutes and the threat would pass. Now the phone is ringing. Is it Steph, grandpa and grandma, who? No, it is my special friend Nicole. She is sitting around 12 miles away in Waterloo watching tv after getting a call from her mom. She is concerned and just had to make sure her newly seperated friend was okay. I am relieved to here a very familiar voice and to know that someone cares so much about me and the kids. We are now just under five minutes from the front edge of the storm passing through so I reassure Nicole that I am as safe as I can be and decide that it is time to scoop up Sam and hunker down for the next ten minutes or so.
Gabe is unbelievably serene and actually trying to comfort Lizzie. Lizzie is visibly shaken and is voicing her every concern. Cora is peacefully resting, completely unaware of the situation. Sam is restless in my arms, but uncharacteristically silent. We sit and wait. I can barely make out what the weatherman is saying. I sense that we are going to be fine. I can't help but wonder what Shane would think if he could see us now. I remember that the very first night we spent in our new home some nine months ago was also punctuated by a siren in the night. There we sat huddled on the only piece of furniture we had in the basement, while the storm raged outside. "How odd", I think. I am relieved as the minutes continue to pass by with no sign of danger. The rapid rate of breathing in our cramped closet has slowed to a slow and steady sigh amongst the kids. The threat has passed and I decide to place my restless little boy back into his bed. The other three remain cuddled together as I take a personal look at the radar and a quick look upstairs to confirm that we are in the clear. Everything looks good, so it is back down to retrieve my little Cora and place her back where she assumes she has been all along. Gabe & Lizzie slowly step out and make their way to the couch where they can see for themselves that everything is good.
Gabe quickly is relaxed and ready to get back to his late night adventure. Lizzie is still shaking and feels cold and unsure. I sit and comfort her. She decides that the basement seems like a safer option for the rest of the night, so she snuggles in opposite Gabe on the couch. I slowly make my way around the basement to make sure that all is well. It has been a half an hour now as I make my way back upstairs to my room. I almost chuckle as I think about the way in which this whole deployment is starting off. I am grateful that I have not had to bear the burden that a serious storm might have brought into our lives. I am thankful that God had granted me the ability to comfort my children in their time of need.
I am now laying in bed an hour later completely wide awake listening to the steady stream of rain and enjoying the sporadic light show throughout the sky. Lizzie has just made her way back upstairs to her bed. She, like me, would almost always rather be in her own special place if given the choice. Gabe has just come up and informed me that he can't sleep and thinks that tonight would be the best night for him to try and stay up all night, which apparently is every 11 year olds dream. I quickly advise him to get back down stairs and get some sleep. I am now realizing that that is easier said than done. Here I lay in my bed at 3:24 a.m. furiously typing on my laptop wondering when I may be able to return to the sleep I so desperately need. The first step would probably be to get off this crazy thing. I just couldn't help myself. I had to document our first night home without Shane. Hopefully we won't have to repeat our tornado drill anytime soon. I guess when I told Shane that it was time for us to hunker down - I didn't expect it to be literal. :) God is so good to me. He is all I will ever need. I can only imagine what He might bring my way tomorrow.
At our house, Shane & I share a room upstairs and just adjacent to us is Lizzie's room in our split foyer home. I instinctively decided to grab Lizzie and carry her down to the basement where the other three sleep. She came to as we raced downstairs and of course thought it a little odd that I would be carrying her around anywhere - she is almost 9 years old. Once we got down there we discovered that Gabe was still coherent and watching television in our family room. Now that might seem a little odd, but I had allowed both my older two to have a kind of improtu camp out downstairs where they could celebrate the end of the school year and surviving dad's send-off. Lizzie had given in to the call of the night and had retired up to her room. Gabe, of course will do just about anything to make the night last. Anyway, he had heard the siren, but for some reason was out enough to just kind of tune it out while catching one of his favorite shows. As I set Lizzie on the couch, he just kind of looked at me like "what are you doing?". I quickly grabbed the remote and flipped it over to channel seven and Jeff Kennedy's accurate forecasting to see what the story was. It appeared that the storm was approximately five to ten miles outside of La Porte City, which made sense because I hadn't even seen a flash of lightening or heard thunder or even a drop of rain.
It was a little eerie to be sitting in a kind of silence broken only by the shrill siren. I had no idea what was coming, but I decided that I needed to get the kids in our closet under the stairs. Gabe and Lizzie quickly made their way with their blankets, while I tried to keep an ear to the news. It was a little difficult to make myself go into Sam & Cora's room, where they lay sleeping ever so deeply. I grabbed Cora first and laid her in the middle of a comforter that I had laid out on the floor of the closet. Gabe & Lizzie squeezed in the back amongst rubbermaids and other odds and ends. I had the door slightly ajar and kept watching and listening to what Jeff was predicting. It looked like another 20 minutes and the threat would pass. Now the phone is ringing. Is it Steph, grandpa and grandma, who? No, it is my special friend Nicole. She is sitting around 12 miles away in Waterloo watching tv after getting a call from her mom. She is concerned and just had to make sure her newly seperated friend was okay. I am relieved to here a very familiar voice and to know that someone cares so much about me and the kids. We are now just under five minutes from the front edge of the storm passing through so I reassure Nicole that I am as safe as I can be and decide that it is time to scoop up Sam and hunker down for the next ten minutes or so.
Gabe is unbelievably serene and actually trying to comfort Lizzie. Lizzie is visibly shaken and is voicing her every concern. Cora is peacefully resting, completely unaware of the situation. Sam is restless in my arms, but uncharacteristically silent. We sit and wait. I can barely make out what the weatherman is saying. I sense that we are going to be fine. I can't help but wonder what Shane would think if he could see us now. I remember that the very first night we spent in our new home some nine months ago was also punctuated by a siren in the night. There we sat huddled on the only piece of furniture we had in the basement, while the storm raged outside. "How odd", I think. I am relieved as the minutes continue to pass by with no sign of danger. The rapid rate of breathing in our cramped closet has slowed to a slow and steady sigh amongst the kids. The threat has passed and I decide to place my restless little boy back into his bed. The other three remain cuddled together as I take a personal look at the radar and a quick look upstairs to confirm that we are in the clear. Everything looks good, so it is back down to retrieve my little Cora and place her back where she assumes she has been all along. Gabe & Lizzie slowly step out and make their way to the couch where they can see for themselves that everything is good.
Gabe quickly is relaxed and ready to get back to his late night adventure. Lizzie is still shaking and feels cold and unsure. I sit and comfort her. She decides that the basement seems like a safer option for the rest of the night, so she snuggles in opposite Gabe on the couch. I slowly make my way around the basement to make sure that all is well. It has been a half an hour now as I make my way back upstairs to my room. I almost chuckle as I think about the way in which this whole deployment is starting off. I am grateful that I have not had to bear the burden that a serious storm might have brought into our lives. I am thankful that God had granted me the ability to comfort my children in their time of need.
I am now laying in bed an hour later completely wide awake listening to the steady stream of rain and enjoying the sporadic light show throughout the sky. Lizzie has just made her way back upstairs to her bed. She, like me, would almost always rather be in her own special place if given the choice. Gabe has just come up and informed me that he can't sleep and thinks that tonight would be the best night for him to try and stay up all night, which apparently is every 11 year olds dream. I quickly advise him to get back down stairs and get some sleep. I am now realizing that that is easier said than done. Here I lay in my bed at 3:24 a.m. furiously typing on my laptop wondering when I may be able to return to the sleep I so desperately need. The first step would probably be to get off this crazy thing. I just couldn't help myself. I had to document our first night home without Shane. Hopefully we won't have to repeat our tornado drill anytime soon. I guess when I told Shane that it was time for us to hunker down - I didn't expect it to be literal. :) God is so good to me. He is all I will ever need. I can only imagine what He might bring my way tomorrow.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Shane's Military Send-off
Well, here I am resting peacefully in the soothing bed that Shane & I would normally be sharing. I am finding strength and security as I think back 24 hours ago when we were engaged in our final moments together. Now, I am breathing free and easy. Then, I felt like I could suffocate at any moment. Now, I just can't help but smile a slow and easy smile when I think of him. Then, I couldn't breathe deep or long enough to keep the tears from flowing. Now, I am strangely aware of his presence in my life even with his absence. Then, the weight of his head on my chest was so all consuming that I thought I might break in half. Now, I allow myself to enjoy the sleep that awaits me. Then, sleep was the enemy of our time together.
It has begun. This day is just moments from being over and I am so relieved. I want to sit and write about my experience today, but I am just overcome by fatigue. Hopefully the words that I have chosen to share will at least begin to communicate the richness I share with Shane and the wonderful peace that God has poured down on me today.
It has begun. This day is just moments from being over and I am so relieved. I want to sit and write about my experience today, but I am just overcome by fatigue. Hopefully the words that I have chosen to share will at least begin to communicate the richness I share with Shane and the wonderful peace that God has poured down on me today.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Where do I go from here?
Even an hour ago, I would not have guessed that I would be sitting here posting my first blog.
I am not exactly sure what I hope to accomplish with this, but I just sense that this might just be exactly what I need right now. You see, I am preparing to embark on a special mission. I will be supporting my husband as he travels half-way around the world to fulfill his responsibility as a Sergeant in the Iowa National Guard in the country of Iraq. It is a journey that I am actually looking forward to taking, if you can imagine. My life seems to be one long series of events that never cease to amaze and surprise. A series of opportunities for God to demonstrate His great and unending love for me. I can only imagine what He has in store for me this time around.
I am just 28 minutes from being able to celebrate the day that most significantly changed my journey in life. It was May 21, 1994 that I was finally able to marry the man that just 6 years prior to that had been the boy that stole my heart. These past 14 years of married life have taught me more about forgiveness, passion, generosity, contentment, commitment, service and love then I could ever have imagined. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. We have just been so blessed. I just can't imagine how our love could get any better, but every time I turn around it just continues to blossom and grow.
Join me as I explore my undying love for Shane, the trials and tribulations of being a parent (especially a single one), and all the other quirks and qualities that makes me who I am. Together we can get to the bottom of who I am - heart & soul. :)
I am not exactly sure what I hope to accomplish with this, but I just sense that this might just be exactly what I need right now. You see, I am preparing to embark on a special mission. I will be supporting my husband as he travels half-way around the world to fulfill his responsibility as a Sergeant in the Iowa National Guard in the country of Iraq. It is a journey that I am actually looking forward to taking, if you can imagine. My life seems to be one long series of events that never cease to amaze and surprise. A series of opportunities for God to demonstrate His great and unending love for me. I can only imagine what He has in store for me this time around.
I am just 28 minutes from being able to celebrate the day that most significantly changed my journey in life. It was May 21, 1994 that I was finally able to marry the man that just 6 years prior to that had been the boy that stole my heart. These past 14 years of married life have taught me more about forgiveness, passion, generosity, contentment, commitment, service and love then I could ever have imagined. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. We have just been so blessed. I just can't imagine how our love could get any better, but every time I turn around it just continues to blossom and grow.
Join me as I explore my undying love for Shane, the trials and tribulations of being a parent (especially a single one), and all the other quirks and qualities that makes me who I am. Together we can get to the bottom of who I am - heart & soul. :)
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